New and Improved FX Pedals for Guitarists:
Time Distortion: Makes guitar solos seem longer. (Can also be achieved by ineptitude.)
Blame shifter: Shifts the pitch of mistakes down one octave so that the audience thinks it was the bass player.
NEW! Bass Blame Shifter: Removes sustain from all your clams so that the audience thinks it was the drummer.
NEW! Wa-Wa: Signals the roadie to bring you another Crystal Geyser.
NEW! EgoPlex: Makes you sound louder in your monitor mix.
Depander: Filters out pop cover songs.
NEW! CryBaby: Makes rhythm guitarists happy they don’t get to solo.
OverJive: Makes Hootie songs sound like Parliament.
Active Pickup: Amplifies “signals” sent to attractive audience members.
Fluff box: Filters out excessive musical substance.
Rehash: Stores and plays back your favorite riffs continuously until you pull the plug.
Feedback Eliminator: Drowns out “constructive criticism.”
Band Pass Filter: Eliminates sexual advances between band members.
NEW! Low Pass Filter: Filters out “toilet jokes” from the P.A. system.
Depressor: Changes any chord to E-minor.
Paralytic Equalizer: Makes you as good as other guitarists by spraying them with nerve toxins.
TS-1 (talent stretcher): All the above effects in a convenient molded pedal-pack with non-slip rubber feet and four 1000-pound reinforced carry handles.
TS-1P Power Supply: Provides power for TS-1 assembly by harnessing the combined egos of Fry, Henley & Schmidt, and the full output of the Hoover Dam generating plant (1024-pair shielded cable and GM diesel cable reel truck optional extra. Please call for quotes on cables longer than 50 feet).