by Blair Hardman

Due to the NFL’s substitute officiating crews’ lack of experience, the NFL has instituted some striking rules changes.

Instead of calling penalties based on NFL rules, the under qualified crews are being guided by a complex computer algorithm.

The computer program analyzes the penalties incurred the last time the two competing teams met.

Then, based on the situation on the field, the personnel in the game, and the time remaining, penalties are called more or less randomly.

A signal is sent to a spring loaded mechanism in the referee or umpire’s pocked, releasing the yellow flag in a pleasing, human-like arc.

Relying more on creativity than knowledge of the game, the official than looks around to see who may have committed an infraction in his vicinity.

There is still a significant delay in the system, causing some penalties to be called a play or two later in the game.

This has resulted in both teams believing themselves to be on offense at the same time, and multiple balls in play at once.

NFL commissioner, Roger Goodell said that once they have the bugs worked out, they may not need any officials at all.

Instead, penalty flags will rocket out of gopher holes, cheerleader’s pompoms and team band trombones.

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